good pain or bad pain

good pain or bad pain, they are all a part of me...

Perhaps, it may be true that, it was an idea which i have fallen for. Or I am actually trying to musk my gloom and disappointment with one big fat excuse. I have grown rather sick my distracted self recently. I have to re-align and be focus again. I have compared the source of my good and bad pain to a million of things. He had been a renegade knight, the wind, autumn, toy bear in both a toy shop and toy crane catch machine and even a withered rose and dust. Ultimately, I cannot face him because i ran once i detect a potential rejection with awkwardness. I cannot read him, let alone melt him. I even want to be competitive and win him. Understanding that I am but just holding myself captive, locked in my own disillusion and stubborness to let me let him go.

My good pain is knowing that he has done the part as a good friend, my bad pain is knowing that he is a good friend. Like the blades of a knife. I have been told, if i want to bury away my own feelings, let it then be in peace.