of thorns and pricks

i am very upset because somehow i feel that i cannot be me anymore and i really really have to start the process of cocooning soon. what i foresee is a lost self. sometimes i feel like an immortal trapped in a mortal shell, a bird with all the world's freedom of flight yet with a leg tied to a huge stone. in career, i really don't know what i am making but i know i want to progess.
in love, what is love again? a hopefully effective pain killer and distraction to my cocooning process or a collector's item which is still missing from my collection of earthly feels.

why have i suddenly lost my footing and who has tipped my scale? darkness is peeping into the backyard of my la-la wonderland kingdom once more and where are my guardians of trinity peace? like the cold waves of fiction crossing path with the hot current of reality. my aging future both worries and frightens me. my squeaking inner voice of live and let life troubles me. where is my happiness? i want to force myself to cry and do many crazy things but i cannot. what is it that i am holding on to? castles in the air and illusions which i have coaxed myself into adopting.

i am doing things and yet not doing things at the same time. my fears is the best frontline of intrusion to my own freedom. no saviour is coming because it is a private battle.

maybe i have really gotten the bug of darkness ... i want to recover ...