raining and living in a huge air-conditioner

i am in Melbourne again for the fouth time and now, I am just passing time writing this blog and msn-ing till its time to go to the airport. I have decided to take the skybus instead of blowing A$50 taking cab... it is not about saving the money but more on trying a new experience... a couple of days ago, i was pulling my pink luggage and walking along flinders among australians, chinese nationals, japanese, koreans, indians and many other people from all over the world and though i was busy snapping away, i really had no wish to stop and ask them for their life stories because i have been too pre-occupied... in my own thoughts, as usual. these days, i don't know how to describe the way i am leading my life or where exactly i want it to head towards. somehow coming back to melbourne gives me a familiar feeling that makes me affrim that I can actually live here and be simple. things here have not really changed since i first came about six years ago. Except that now, Melbourne Central is back in business and the GPO (general post office) is now a high-end shopping mall. but ultimately, it doesn't really matter where you are .. things that are not meant to change, simply don't change. It is humans who grow and change. I seemd to run here for the same reasons all the time - to escape, seek a past happiness and embrace upcoming changes. yet whenever i return, if it is not a much poorer me, my heart still feels as heavy as the day i left.
Then I thought about leaving my comfort zone and a nice bunch of people and realised that things seemed harder to let go when one gets older. I didn't used to be like this before. Now, i just wish that i can be less sentimental and more focus. Though it is a fact that alot of times, your perceptions on things may differ from what other persons really think but it really doesn't matter till i let it bothers me. you may think that it is self-decieving but it is my choice to live in blissful ignorance. at this point, who and what i like doesn't matter anymore.
i just want to feel like a mechancial robot girl moving on through life and to deny the most important part of me. A part which has been repressed for so long that I am not sure if i am just imagining it now.