Crippled and brusied

I have lost two battles in a row. It is lost, lost, lost and gone. Maybe, this is the courage that i needed to finally walk away from a barren land. The ultimate excuse for an obstinate me. The sudden pain hit me today like an aftermath of an earthquake. I tried not to blame myself too much but somehow words of happiness and past unreciprocated experiences from my kins feel as though someone has rubbed salt on my wounds. Perhaps, underneath all the theories and analysis put forth from friends about me trying to satisfy my ego, I do actually like both of them.

I have became more ascertain of what i stand for. Love is a war of nature which I can never manage and there is never any happiness for me. What I have gotten out of it in the end was just cruel realities and realisations. I am then left with fear, crippled and brusied.